In the Eyes of Your God
by Antismurf Lord of Darkness
Summary: WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR FFVI.  My attempt to mimic the personality of the one and only Kefka Palazzo.  Please be warned that the content within may be offensive to some readers.
1. Kefka Palazzo On Life

_Antismurf Lord of Darkness here. Okay, this is a new thing that I'm trying. I'm not certain if it's been done before, but if it has, I will be doing it again. My mission: get into Kefka Palazzo's head. How do I plan to do this? Like this:_

_I will be writing as Kefka after the events of Final Fantasy VI (so he's technically dead). Each chapter, Kefka will pick a new topic and discuss his views on it. Since this is Kefka speaking, what is said may be very offensive to some of you readers. I will try to let you know before you read each chapter of what you may be offended by. It may also be really disturbing. Please note that I do not share any of these views with Kefka, I'm just trying to get a better understanding of this man. Hope that you enjoy (or at least are interested)._

_What you may be offended by: things concerning the meaning of life. Religion may be mentioned as well._

_I don't own Final Fantasy or its characters._

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**Kefka Palazzo On Life**

I don't quite understand why you want me to do this. I was under the impression that most people disliked me. They all found me to _not be a nice person_ and most called me "one of the most evil beings to ever exist." How is this supposed to do well if NOBODY LIKES ME? Whatever. What's the first topic?

Ah, yes, _of course_. What do I think about life? Well, you're an idiot. I've already told you that. If I must quote myself, "Life...dreams...hope...Where do they come from? And where do they go? Such meaningless things...I'll destroy them all!" There's my view on life. Life has no meaning. It's as simple as that.

Oh, but of course, you will ask, "But Mr. Kefka, why do you think that life is meaningless?" Well, I'll tell you two things. _First_, it's Mr. Palazzo. Kefka is _not_ my last name, Palazzo is. Otherwise, my name would be Kefka Kefka, and that would be COMPLETELY STUPID! Second, how could you not know why life is meaningless? Isn't it _obvious_? Fine, I'll tell you then, but I'm _sure_ that you've heard this argument before.

Tell me right now what you're great-great grandmother did. How many children did she have? Did she ever work at all? Where did she work? How about one generation back from there? One more? No? That's what I thought. Their lives HAD NO MEANING. You might not even be able to say their names. What do you _think_ will happen as history goes on? IT WILL ALL BE FORGOTTEN. Soon enough, _you_ will be forgotten as well. Of course, you will counter this by saying, "Well some people are remembered for many years, like Atilla the Hun and King Tut. You're life has as much meaning as you make it." Well… YOU'RE WRONG! Sure, a person _could_ be remembered if they are really lucky. _Maybe_ they will even make a difference that could change the entire world, even if they aren't remembered. I will not deny it, for it is definitely possible. But all things come to an end. Someday, humanity will DIE. All living things will PERISH, and then who's left to remember you? Who will be affected by the changes you brought about? NO ONE! _Absolutely_ NO ONE!

I don't care how you skew the facts, no matter how many inventions are invented, no matter how many lives are saved or killed, this world and universe _will be_ DESTROYED and your life becomes MEANINGLESS! It's not that hard to understand. There is a beginning, and there is an end. When things end, they end, and _nothing more matters after that point!_ No one can stop the end from occurring.

And now you ask, "Well, if what you say is true [which it is] then why does everyone think that their life has meaning?" Again with the OBVIOUS QUESTIONS! You're _really_ starting to irritate me with those! _Of course_ everyone thinks that their life has meaning. It's _their _life. Everything that happens revolves around _you_. Everything that happens affects _you_. Therefore, you couldn't imagine a world without YOU! In fact, those that think that the world would be better off with them DEAD _are right!_ _The world would be better off, and you would be better off! _You wouldn't be trying to make something out of nothing. Remember, if you multiply zero by two, you still get zero.

Actually no, I revise my statement. Life _does_ have meaning. The meaning of life is DEATH. Life only exists so death can occur. So you see, I'm not really a bad man, I'm just bringing people to their ultimate purpose faster.

In conclusion, _my_ life is the only life with significant meaning because I'm a god. The rest of you aren't gods, so your lives only mean death. Uwee hee hee.

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_Hm… Not sure if I really got the persona of Kefka right, but I'll work on it._

_I'm open to suggestions for topics of later chapters. So far, I have government, religion, and women (I'm not being sexist, I just can't think of anything for men right now)._

_Please review if you have the time._


	2. Kefka Palazzo On Government

_Well, it appears that I'm back. Time for more wisdom from Kefka._

_Thanks goes out to the reviewers, Meh, -Kazzlar, Adam Kent, and Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec. You guys rock._

_What may offend: angry ranting about government_

_I don't own Final Fantasy or its characters_

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**Kefka Palazzo on Government**

Really? You want me to tell you about _government?_ What is there to know about _government?_ Here's an idea; LOOK IT UP IN A DICTIONARY! Oh, you want me tell you what _I_ think about government? Are you mortals _so_ stupid that you can't figure it out for yourself? Sigh… Fine, I'll slaughter you and your family for it later. Of course, the family will go first, so you get to watch them scream and die. Oh, and did I mention that your eyelids will be cut out so you will be forced to watch?

Anyways, _government_. I don't even like the sound of it. And then there are so many different types of this stupidity! Democracy, theocracy, oligarchy, communism. And EVERY ONE OF THEM being just as stupid as the original idea. You're probably going to ask, "Well Mr. Palazzo, what is the original idea of government?" I will then probably burn you alive where stand and laugh as you writhe on the ground, tearing at your crisping flesh, and due to your skin's fragility, will be tearing yourself apart. And why would I do such a thing? BECAUSE I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND! _YOU_ WILL NEVER ADDRESS _ME_ AS _MR. PALAZZO_ AGAIN! I ONLY ANSWER TO _'LORD KEFKA'. _Now, let's say that you _didn't_ decide to disrespect my holy name while asking the question. I would then tell you to STOP WASTING MY TIME WITH STUPID QUESTIONS! Events would then proceed as they had with the previous question. LOOK IT UP IN THE DICTIONARY! The whole point of _government_ is to _govern_. It supposedly keeps people from running around and killing each other.

Now I see two problems with this idea. One is that watching people run around and kill each other is one of my favorite pastimes. You wouldn't want to disappoint your god, _would you?_ Two is that _government_ doesn't seem to stop people from running around and killing each other. There _is_ still murder. There _is_ still crime. There _are _still wars. That makes _government_ completely USELESS. No matter what you try to do, _PEOPLE WILL STILL RUN AROUND AND KILL EACH OTHER._ It seems to be just what you silly _mortals_ do.

Okay, _fine_. Let's think positively. What if there_ was _a way to stop people from killing each other? What if (I _really_ hate, hate, hate, HATE this word) _government_ could work? Well, why don't we take a look at how you humans are trying to do it. Now there are obviously too many different styles to look at individually, so I'll tell you about communism, dictatorships, and democracy.

First communism. Whoever thought this up must have been the STUPIDEST MORTAL ALIVE. Alright, let's _pretend_ that I believe in a higher power, one even greater than myself (which there isn't, and I'LL SUMMON THE LIGHT OF JUDGEMENT ON ANYONE WHO DARES BELIEVE IN SUCH A THING). So many of your false religions believe in a perfect realm in the afterlife in which your false gods rule over. But wait! Isn't communism trying to create this perfect realm? But wait! Doesn't that mean that you're trying to PLAY GOD? But wait! Doesn't EVERY RELIGION (especially the true one, my own) condemn such a thing? Enough said.

Now dictatorship. This claims that one person has the knowledge to rule in the correct manner. It's like that person is God or something. Whoever believes in this shall be nailed to a wall and forced to eat the raw body parts of their friends and family while I watch and laugh hysterically. I am God and no one else. _NO ONE!_

Finally democracy. _You_ think that the people should have control of _government_. _I_ think that democracy just a reason for the not powerful people to not be angry. I mean, _seriously_, how does this make any sense? You think voting will solve all of the world's problems? Well let me ask you something. Isn't it THEIR FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE THAT DEMOCRACY EVEN EXISTS? If you _mortals_ had the sense to stop killing each other, would there be any need for _government?_ So, what you are saying is, that to _stop_ people from killing each other, you _ask_ the people that are killing each other, so that they can vote for any excuse to KEEP KILLING EACH OTHER? Not that I'm complaining, I'm just pointing it out. See, your god (me) is willing to sacrifice for his people.

So in conclusion, you _mortals_ and STILL all idiots. And no, how I rule is not a dictatorship. I _am_ your god, so it's different. Now about the punishment I mentioned earlier…

Uwee hee hee!

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_Well then, how was that? Was that what you meant by more insane? Am I getting closer to the mindset of the One Holy Kef… er, I mean just Kefka?_

_Please review if you have the time._


	3. Kefka Palazzo On Women

_Those of you who have read this fic before might notice a slight change. This is no longer set after Kefka has died._

_Please note, I DO NOT share these views with Kefka. Especially with this rant. I also don't own Final Fantasy or its characters._

_What may offend: extremely controversial views on women_

**Kefka Palazzo On Women**

You may have noticed that I have been, well, absent recently. While I really _don't_ have any obligation to tell you why, I am a generous god so _will_ tell you. There was a minor incident with a silly group of so-called _heroes_ who questioned my divinity that needed to be dealt with. I would like to assure your that all of the silly heroes are now dead and there remains (which there were remarkably few of) are now a part of my tower. I particularly enjoy the decapitated head of the green-haired half-esper girl (sporting the latest in bodiless fashion: the slave crown) that is impaled on the pinnacle of my masterpiece (_I_ think that it adds a nice touch, don't you? _DON'T YOU!_).

Speaking of her, I'm now here to talk about _women_. I don't care if you don't want to hear about women, because I AM YOUR GOD AND IF I WANT TO DISCUSS MY FEELINGS (which are obviously the correct ones) ON WOMEN THEN YOU WILL LISTEN AND AGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY WITH ME. If you happen to be one of those silly feminists, I would recommend that you quietly LEAP INTO A VAT OF BURNING OIL because, I promise (and I always keep my promises) that it will be quite pleasant compared to what I would do to you otherwise.

Anyways, women. _Women_. What are they? Female humans. Nothing more. Well that was easy. Oh wait, are you _disagreeing?_ You females say defiantly, "Oh, well, we are independent and strong individuals with hopes and dreams just like all the men out there and we will not be talked down too like-" _Shut up!_ Shut up, shut up, shut up shut up shut up shutupshutupshutup _SHUT UP!_ LIES, ALL OF IT! Alright, let me start from the beginning. You said "defiantly." _Defiantly._ That comes from the word _defy_. As is to defy _your god_. As in I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU TRY TO DEFY ME WHILE YOUR BODY MELTS AWAY IN THE HOLY FLAMES OF THE LIGHT OF JUDGEMENT! Next, "Oh, well, we are…" I _must_ have heard that incorrectly (which I didn't) because I was _supposed _to hear, "Oh Great Lord Kefka, we are…" YOU WILL ADDRESS ME PROPERLY. THERE IS NO "OR ELSE," IT WILL SIMPLY HAPPEN. Moving on. "Independent." You may be female, but you are still human. Humans, by nature ARE NOT INDEPENDENT. "And strong." Let me know how strong you are when your family is tortured before your eyes and you cannot do anything but watch (uwee hee hee!). "Individuals." Whether you are individuals or not _does not matter_. I am your god, and I don't see mortals as individuals. "With hopes and dreams." The meaning of life is death, therefore, hopes and dreams are MEANINGLESS. "Just like all the men out there." I _am not _here to give an anatomy lesson. Idiots. "And we will not be talked down too." I AM YOUR GOD AND I WILL DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT YOU WILL BE TALKED DOWN TO! "Like." Like what? Like flies? Maggots? Insignificant insects that can be crushed merely for amusement? You should be honored that I even speak to you. Insects don't get that honor.

Don't you see? YOU'RE JUST HUMAN. All that you are supposed to do is BREED, HAVE FUNCTIONAL OFFSPRING, AND _DIE_. That's all. You're no better than the men. I might even say that you are not even equal, but I will not bother with such trifling matters. I am a god and you are just mortals. Your stupid affairs do not concern me.

Uwee hee hee!

_Again, I do not share these views with Kefka._

_Please review if you have time._


	4. Kefka Palazzo On Home Redecoration

_I don't own Final Fantasy or its characters or places._

_Please review if you have the time. Any and all reviews are much appreciated. Also, thank you to those who have already reviewed/favorited/alerted my story. There's a good chance that I wouldn't be writing this without you._

_Other than gruesome imagery, there isn't much in this chapter that should offend (and if you were worried about gruesome imagery, I have my doubts that you would have read this far anyways)._

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**Kefka Palazzo On Home Redecoration**

Well _hello_. Did you miss me? I thought as such. You see, once I did that last rant about women, I decided that you _stupid MORTALS_ were not worthy of hearing the almighty words of your great and all-powerful god, and so I stopped. Why didn't I inform you of this you ask? To answer that, I will refer you to the previous sentence, particularly the _**GREAT AND ALL-POWERFUL GOD**_ part. If that doesn't answer your question, then perhaps the burning orphanage that I just lit on fire with _**SHEER WILLPOWER**_ shall (and don't worry, there will be no survivors. Anyone who escapes the blaze will be conveniently struck by lightning).

Anyways, that brings about the question of why I returned. Though I have no reason to answer this question (refer to the burning orphanage) I will. I admit that I enjoy creating these rants. I would _love_ for people to hear the word of the almighty. I _love _when people grovel at my feet because they heard my word. I _love_ when those who defied me **lose all hope** and start listening to me. Do you know what I love the most though? I absolutely love when those who _defied _me realize too late that I was right; that everything that I told them WAS THE **TRUTH**. In their last moments of existence something in their eyes changes. They look to me almost as if they were _sorry!_ It is the most_ beautiful_ thing in the world.

Anyways, onto the ranting. Well, I _suppose_ that it's not really ranting today. I'm here to give you advice today. Yes, I did say _advice_. Why? Well, remember how in my last rant I mentioned how I placed the decapitated head of the half-esper girl upon the top of my glorious tower? I was thinking, what if all the pathetic _mortals_ had a sense of style much like mine? Wouldn't my world look so much more beautiful if they did? So now I'm here to tell _you_ how to gain such artistic insight as I possess.

First of all, what should you build your lair out of? There are so many _choices!_ You could build it from wood, stone, the corpses of your enemies; the possibilities are _endless_. So why not do a little bit of everything? Yes, build your lair out of _**everything**_. Look at _MY_ tower for instance. I simply used my INFINITE SUPPLY OF POWER to take pieces of** your** ruined universe and stitched them together to make a beautiful piece of architecture. You idiots are always complaining about "keeping up with the Jones's." What better way to show dominion over your foes than a lair that literally has a little bit of EVERYTHING?

Next, of course, is what should your lair _look _like? Big. It needs to be very big. And also above ground. When you're underground, you're _hiding_. You don't want to stir up any trouble, you just want to stay in your _STUPID LITTLE HOLE AND CRY_. It must be aboveground, it must be big, and it _must_ be grand. It should serve as a challenge to your foes, as if to say, "Oh, look at me! Come and get me stupid little _MORTAL_. Oh wait, YOU CAN'T. Why? **BECAUSE I'M AN ALL-POWERFUL IMMORTAL BEING.**" Again, take my tower for example. It has no entrances except at the very top, which is meant to mock all of you sad little _mortals_ because you have no hopes of ever entering. I would recommend that you don't design your lair like that, because I have high doubts that you can fly like I can (though I admit it would be rather amusing to see you try).

I suppose that the last question is how you should decorate your home. That's _easy_. However you want. Yes, that's the truth. The decorations should reflect your personality. I would recommend the "_IF YOU DARE EVEN __**THINK**__ OF DEFYING ME YOU __**WILL DIE A DEATH SO PAINFUL**__ THAT EVEN __**THE GOD-KING KEFKA**__ WOULD FEEL SLIGHTLY SORRY FOR YOU EXCEPT THAT __**HE WON'T**__ BECAUSE WE AMOUNT __**TO NOTHING**__ COMPARED TO HIM_" style, as it tends to keep your enemies at bay. I believe that you probably know where this is going (it's very similar to the style that I chose, except that I decided to show off my god-powers a little more by filling it with living beasts of my own creation, but otherwise they're nearly identical). All you really need to do is paint the inside of your lair with the insides and outsides of your most hated foes (I mean, especially for you _mortals_, what better reflects yourself on the inside then, well, _insides?_). You also might consider nailing the corpse of your arch-nemesis to your front door. Is your spouse (be they male _or_ female) complaining about the smell after a week or two? Then clean it up and REPLACE IT WITH MORE! For all I care, _REPLACE IT WITH YOUR SPOUSE'S!_

Now then _mortals_, that's all the advice for today. Go forth my disciples, and MAKE MY WORLD _BEAUTIFUL_.

_**UWEE HEE HEE!**_


	5. Kefka Palazzo On Leo Christophe

_I must extend a special thanks to SageQuill, who took the time to do many reviews for me. I highly recommend her story "One Hundred Tiny Missions" if you enjoy a good laugh. Also, as always (or whenever I remember to) I must thank Shadow's Interceptor, who takes the time to proofread every chapter before it's posted. If you are a fan of Shadow and Relm, look no further than her "Of Sketchpads and Shadows" story._

_What may offend: Kefka doesn't like Christianity. At all._

_I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters or places._

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**Kefka Palazzo on Leo Cristophe**

I think I remember hearing about this a while ago. One of you _mortals_ wanted to know what I thought of the _great_ General Leo Cristophe, the man who I fought beside for years before I happily **betrayed and murdered** him. I'm guessing that many of you believe that I absolutely _despised_ the man. I mean, weren't our morals completely _different? _Honestly, you probably couldn't find any two people _more_ different than us. You may have noticed that I tend to not like FOOLISH _MORTALS_ WHO DISAGREE WITH **ME** and they often end up dead, a lot like Leo, though I'm not really into the whole stabbing thing anymore. I now prefer to **melt your physical being** with my all-powerful Light of Judgment. Anyways, back to Leo. If that's what you thought, then you're wrong. That's right, **wrong.** This really shouldn't come as a surprise to you. How could a mere _mortal_ predict how a GOD would think and act?

To tell you the truth, I actually _liked_ the man! I found him to be absolutely _hilarious,_ with his silly little honor and beliefs in the good of humankind. I mean, he actually **believed** in that stuff! He would go on and on and on _and on and on AND ON AND ON_ with the importance of honor and how other humans had the… what was it? Oh yes, _right to live._ Hilarious! Sure, he could get a little irritating at times, but whenever I needed a little "pick-me-up" I could just think of one of Leo's little speeches and suddenly I started to LAUGH UNTIL I **CRIED.**

Oh! Did I tell you yet what Leo's last name means? Cristophe means _"Christ Bearer!"_ Isn't it so fitting? CHRIST BEARER? No, I'm _not_ joking. Can't you **see? **He's not Christ himself, no. He's the pathetic LOSER who believed that Jesus was something more than he was. He's the guy who had faith that some random guy who WOULDN'T SHUT UP would save all of humanity. He's the guy who watched a bunch of people POKE A LOT OF HOLES into that ANNOYING LITTLE TURD until he **died.** He's the guy who CARRIED JESUS' ROTTING CORPSE and realized, "Holy shit, I was **WRONG. **I believed in _nothing!_ Everything I've worked to achieve _WAS A __**LIE!**_" And all of this fits so _beautifully_ with Leo. He held his silly morals right up until the day that I _killed him _and proved him **completely wrong**.

You know, I was almost disappointed when I had to kill Leo. He had been such a joy to me. You have to agree (I repeat, you _have to agree_) that he had been asking for it. You don't defy PERFECTION and expect to live.

Well, it seems that I'm out of time for today. I have some very important things to attend to. _You_ do as well. I certainly haven't seen enough of your lairs begin to imitate my ALMIGHTY MAJESTY. _My world isn't beautiful yet! MAKE IT SO!_

_Uwee hee hee!_

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_A shorter chapter than I expected, but I guess it turned out alright. Not quite as it sounded in my head, but not awful. _

_Please review if you have the time._


	6. Kefka Palazzo On Holidays

_I wonder how many of the original readers of this are still alive. I assume that at least one would have died of old age by now. A meme of a skeleton waiting in front of a computer (usually to portray slow downloading or waiting for an update) immediately comes to mind._

_Thank you to all reviewers of this fic, in particular Shadow's Interceptor (my beta). Also thanks to SageQuill and The124C41 for their awesome reviews._

_What may offend: if you have strong views on the purpose of holidays. Kefka also goes a little into his views on life again._

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**Kefka Palazzo on Holidays**

Well would you look at that, it's that time of year again. Important holidays one after another and people simultaneously happy that they're coming and dreading preparing for them. It seems like a perfect time to explain why all of it is _**STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!**_

You may be wondering why I have never declared a holiday in my honor. My question to you is: why should I? Shouldn't you be honoring my glorious achievements _every day?_ (hint: the answer begins with a 'y' and ends with a '**IF YOU DON'T I CAN GUARANTEE A DEATH COMPLETE WITH A NEAR INFINITE AMOUNT OF SUFFERING**') I mean, it would just be _cruel_ to declare a day specifically to honoring my existence if you're supposed to be honoring it to the fullest extent of your being **every single waking hour of every single** **day**. That would imply that on that day, you would have to honor me _even more_, which of course would be impossible. I would have no other choice than to destroy this pathetic wasteland and create a new one. You wouldn't want _THAT_ now, **would you?**

Honestly though, what is a _holiday_ anyways? People declare holidays to commemorate certain _mortals_ and special events, but it _DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!_ It's not like that _mortal_ is doing something on that day (most of the time the idiot is already dead), or that event magically reoccurs. Of course, YOU IMBECILES will just say, "Oh, well we're remembering what happened on this day two hundred years ago." Well guess what _mortal_? **THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE!** All you're saying is that the earth is in approximately the same position in its orbit around the sun as when that _stupid_ event happened. How does that make it better than any other position in its orbit? **LIKE I SAID**, it's not like that event is happening today!

This brings me to what I believe (and therefore is _**undoubtedly true**_) the real reasons that you _mortals_ have holidays. Before I even explained it to you, you must have known how pointless life was. Every day felt the same, and that feeling was entirely meaningless. (just as it should) But then suddenly, some **BLASPHEMOUS HERETIC** decided that one day they would do something different, and that every time the earth hit this point in its orbit, they would do something different again. That gave them something to look forward to, other than the eternal void of death of course. This idea then spun wildly out of control until there were thousands of **BLASPHEMOUS HERETICS** celebrating multiple holidays. My conclusion is that holidays only exist so that you _mortals_ have something to look forward to in your meaningless lives. It also gives some of you the hope that you will someday do something important enough to have your own holiday named after you, so you will be remembered forever. These beliefs are obviously _COMPLETELY __**UNACCEPTABLE**__ AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY LIMITLESS POWER TO REVERSE THE ACTIONS OF THAT __**BLASPHEMOUS HERETIC!**_

Not only do holidays give you _mortals_ a false sense of hope, but they distract you from what you really should be doing, which, as I said, is **HONORING ME TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF YOUR BEING EVERY SINGLE WAKING HOUR** **OF **_**EVERY SINGLE DAY!**_ Anyone caught celebrating these abominable _holidays_ will be left on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean with nothing but the corpses of everyone you love to keep you company/feed you. We'll see how much hope you have after _that!_

_Uwee hee hee!_

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_Please review if you have the time._


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